God Gave Us YOU
Written on December 31, 2018
Here we are... at the end of a year that almost killed me-- sounds dramatic, but sometimes it felt like that. My spirit was left in pieces throughout the year. Combine that with my complex medical problems and it felt like death was literally knocking at my door... BUT GOD.
My last blog post left off telling you about my traumatic miscarriage and sudden death of my beloved Abuela exactly two weeks after. Little did you know that while I was typing out those words in my June 2018 post, I was going through a serious ongoing medical problem related to my miscarriage. To make a long story short, I bled from April 2018 to September 2018-- a whopping 5 months. The average woman during a miscarriage bleeds 1-2 weeks. Me? Twenty-one (21) weeks. You can only imagine, the bleeding was a daily reminder from my body that I could not carry my beloved baby. It was torture physically and emotionally. A particular Bible story came to mind during my constant flow-- the bleeding woman who had a flow for twelve (12) consecutive YEARS. I cannot even begin to fathom having to bleed over many years as five months was bad enough for me, my health, and well being (note: Lord, I promise to preach this particular sermon one day). Anyway, the OBGYN I was a patient with kept downplaying my condition and since I was in a fog, I just went with it. One of my sisters (via God) saved my life though pressuring me to get a second medical opinion. Not kidding, she would constantly tell me and I knew it was God. Glad I was not stubborn and listened to her and God (thank you, my dearest amiga. Te amo.). I did a little Google research and God immediately led me to The Center for Innovative GYN Care here in Maryland. They specialize in performing state-of-the-art minimally invasive techniques for complex GYN conditions (like mine). I went in on a Friday morning and walked out with a surgery appointment in 4 business days. No wonder they are rated as one of the top practices for complex GYN conditions-- sheesh, they wasted no time. The doctor had some ideas about what my condition could be which included the “C” word (cancer). That week leading up to the surgery had me on edge. My closest family and friends (and one of my bosses) are angels and kept me in their constant prayers. The day of the surgery arrived and what was supposed to take 30-45 minutes only took 8 minutes. God is so good. The medical staff treated me so well and professionally. I was back home by 11:00 A.M. and working from home the next day! I had to wait another week for the official results and that was torturous for my impatient self. BUT GOD. My family could not accompany me that day, but God was powerfully with me like He always is. The doctor and another person (ended up being a resident doctor in training) came in and all I could think of, “Oh man, two people coming to speak to me? Is it THAT bad? Did the condition leave me infertile like she had said it could? Do I have cancer and only have two months to live (drastic, I know)? What’s wrong with my body now?” So many questions. BUT GOD. She explained what she found (TMI for the interwebs, but can gladly share with others who are dealing with prolonged bleeding) and what she did not find was CANCER. Thank you, God my Father! I’m crying as I type this out because I know it is ALL GOD. I remember loudly praising God in front of them both without any cares of being “politically correct.” They just smiled as they witnessed my tremendous relief. My family was completely overjoyed and grateful to God when I relayed the news after almost skipping out of the center that day. Tears flowed for them as well as I’m sure they probably thought of the worst before relying on God ultimately. After all, we are human.
After the surgery I got my pre-miscarriage normal life back for a few weeks. And then...
Well, we found out God graciously blessed us with a second child! What? Look at GOD!
(I bet you were wondering about the blog title...hehe)
And yes, I’ve been severely ill from about October to December 2018, but this time with a joyous daily reminder because of this little love God has given us.
Also during the very early weeks of our pregnancy, three (3) friends dreamt we were pregnant. Three! And all three are from different circles/worlds. One of them is one of my close friends (love you, chica), another one was one of my mother’s closest friends, and the other was Hector’s colleague. They ALL had dreams that we were pregnant. How about that? They were all divine dreams because little did they know at that time, it was indeed true!
So yeah...SURPRISE! By God’s grace and power we are now in our second trimester and waiting for our “rainbow” to appear in June 2019! What is a rainbow baby? A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage, stillborn, or neonatal death. It is called as such because like a rainbow, it comes out after a storm: something beautiful after something scary, tumultuous, and dark. Can’t believe it, right? We can still barely believe it ourselves! God saw all of the pain and hurt and He heard our prayer. We had a different prayer this time around (maybe I’ll share one day, but not today) and God showed out. However, the journey of this new pregnancy has not been easy. The trauma from our first loss earlier this year is still raw (as our 1st baby would have been 2 months old around Christmas 2018), but we cannot stop thanking God for His divine hand and intervention. There are so many feelings. I feel guilty for having gotten pregnant right away when I know some of my girlfriends are struggling (or going through other miscarriage traumas), I feel elated, I feel doubt/anxiety at times, I feel excited, I feel motherly again, I feel like my life has already changed so much (and will continue to do so), I feel like I am finally putting myself first after all these years of putting myself second or third, I feel loved, I feel lots of love for our unborn child whom I cannot wait to meet in June, I feel deep pain for our 1st baby’s loss (something you will never understand unless you go through), I feel sad that my Abuelos won’t meet this precious baby (until Heaven), I feel feel feel and that’s great. I don’t ever want to be numb. I have learned to deeply feel and try my best to move forward.
Now that we have shared this blessed news with you, we kindly ask that you please cover our baby and us with your special prayers. We need them. As exhilarating as it is to be pregnant after a devastating loss, it also comes with worry, doubt, and anxiety because of the traumas. One of these days I plan to blog more in depth about what it is like to be pregnant after a loss because we, as a society, needs to be more aware.
Baby Perla, we love you with all of our hearts and souls and are eternally grateful that God gave us YOU. May our Heavenly Father continue to protect you as you grow in my womb for we know you will grow up to be a fearless servant for Him. XoXo